Thin Line Between Love and Hate
by Elizabeth Perry
Summary: Addek One Shot. Takes an alternate ending after the last GA's episode. Kinda long, please let me know what you think! Added another One Shot 11132006.
1. Entre El Amor y Odio Between Love&Hate

Note: This is my first one shot so please be gentle:)

* * *

"Goodbye Derek." 

Derek looked up from his position of reviewing the chart to see Addison leaning against the counter with a defeated look in her eyes and her briefcase in her hand.

Derek sat down his chart and crossed his arms in what he now termed his "defensive Addison" stance. He didn't want to admit how much it hurt when on the heels of their divorce, Addison had confessed to him about the true nature of her relationship with his one time best friend. It had in effect devastated him which had thrown him for a loop. If he was in love with Meredith like he claimed, why was he so still torn apart over the realization that his wife hadn't been completely honest with him when she came to Seattle?

"Addison, there's nothing you and I need to discuss. Why are you even saying Goodbye to me now? What purpose does it serve?"

He watched as the flicker of hurt shimmered in her eyes as she looked down. She clutched her purse to her like a life-line and exhaled softly. She looked up as she bit on the bottom of her lip as if she was weighing her next words, "You win Derek. I give up. You got your divorce, you got Meredith, you have everything and I have nothing. I will leave Seattle to you. Enjoy."

After leaving those parting words she turned to leave when something inside of Derek called him to ask why. He grabbed her by the arm and felt shock when he realized that she had lost weight because even the grip on her arm wasn't the same. She turned on her heel and faced him and motioned for him to release her.

Derek cleared his throat and spoke gruffly, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have touched you like that. So what, you are just giving up everything? What does this mean? Why give you up your life and your practice when you could make millions in Seattle?"

Addison coldly chuckled and said "You are so naïve. You don't get it, and maybe you never did which is another reason why I'm leaving. I came to Seattle not because I couldn't stay with Mark but because I couldn't love him the way I loved you. He swore to me that you didn't love me, he swore to me that everything that you felt for me had died and I didn't believe him. I didn't know how to put words to the hurt I caused you or the pain you caused me with your indifference. Whatever it was, all I wanted was a chance to fix us. You never really gave me that chance; you dragged me through rumor mills in this hospital calling me everything from Satan and worse. I stayed, some would call me a glutton for punishment, and others would call me gullible. I called it being in love; however you showed me the true meaning of the word betrayal."

Addison rolled her eyes and exhaled as she turned around, "I don't know why I'm even bothering telling you this. I need to go, my flight will be late and you don't care anyway."

Derek shook his head, "You speak to me of betrayal when you slept…."

Addison snorted as she cut him off, "If I for one moment thought that what I did with Mark even got into the realm of your subconscious I would apologize again. You just used Mark and me as an out, an out to hide from your true feelings for me. You don't love me Derek, you stopped loving me years ago and instead of being a man and letting me go or being honest, you dragged me on hoping I would give up first but you forgot how stubborn I was…"

Derek grabbed for her again not wanting to give up the connection that had at one time sustained his very breath so he acted out, "I didn't fall out of love with you I saw you in bed with Mark. Why are you leaving anyway didn't Mark promise you the world?"

Addison turned and clutched to her purse tighter as she started off and said "I need to go, I don't have time for your theatrics right now or this pretend jealous act. You have everything you ever wanted, you can be free to be with Meredith all through the halls of Seattle Grace and I won't bother you. I won't even speak to you because I won't be here. I asked you for what you wanted and it was Seattle. The only thing, I want to beg of you is to leave me alone. I don't ever want to see you again."

Derek closed his eyes and said "Addi."

Addison flinched and spoke tonelessly, "You have lost all rights were I'm concerned Derek. Don't call me anything and especially not a name you used to call me when we made love."

Addison started walking when Derek spoke up again from behind her, "What about Mark?"

Addison turned around and said "What does it matter anyway? You don't love me and I don't matter so please tell me how my relationship with Mark affects you?"

Derek shrugged and decided indifference was the way to go and said coldly, "Just trying to keep up with the gossip mill that's all."

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Six Months Later

Derek Shepherd was in hell. A hell of his own making. When his mother had sent his sister in to assess the situation and his emotional wellbeing he had no idea that on the end of that trip he would see Addison leave Seattle with her heart in tow and alone.

His name had been mud for the first couple of weeks after she left Seattle. Miranda had sent him looks that had him running for cover every time he saw her and she made snipping noises when she saw him that made him fear for his manly parts. Richard growled at him every time he spoke and wouldn't speak to him outside the realm of work. Mark was the one person who shocked him with the reaction of Addison leaving Seattle. It was almost as if Mark had flourished in the time that Addison had left Seattle. He had settled down his whoring ways and become in a serious relationship with the ortho surgeon, Dr. Callie Torres to the astonishment of everyone. What had been more shocking was the fact that they seemed to click as they both could go toe to toe with each other and still be happy.

He only wished that his own story with Meredith could have had such a happy ending. Two months into their dating Derek realized the thrill was gone. She was immature, she whined and was self-centered he was unhappy about everything and with everyone. She was a complex person with complications and she bored the hell out of him because he could finally admit to himself that she wasn't Addison and no matter how hard he tried, that's who he wanted. He had tried to feel anything for her because in his mind, he had given up everything for her but it didn't work. The love he swore to everyone he felt for her, fell apart in the light of day when they were together and forced to make a go of their relationship just the two of them. He had made her miserable and she had made him miserable. They had come to the realization after having what was the fifth fight in a 3 day time period. She had met him in the cafeteria and bluntly told him that they couldn't go on like this. He nodded in agreement and asked if they were wrong to try again to give it their all this time. Meredith shrugged and said we are both unhappy and have ruined not just our lives but those of Finn and Addison with their mistakes and that they needed to stop making mistakes and the first step was to go back to their normal relationship, whatever that was.

Addison.

Just that one name had the power to strike a chord in his heart. How the last words that he spoke to her kept resounding in his head made him nauseous. He had been so cruel to her and she had just smiled at him each time while he killed a little more of her. His family had been right, he was a coward. They called him those names and worse each week on their weekly conference call. His mother had been quiet lately in respect to him after the first time he had asked her if she spoke with Addison. She refused to talk with him about Addison, she said that he had lost that right with the way he treated her. He then got into a fight with his mother about how Addison had been the way to betray him first and how she should be on his side and she had finally hung up the phone in his face after realizing it was a fight she wasn't going to win. Two weeks later and three cookie bouquets later, his mother spoke to him and accepted his apology and asked him a question that had him sitting here in his dark trailer with a beer in his hand and the muted pictures of the TV in the background.

"Do you still love her?"

His first instinct had been to laugh in his mother's face and rebuke the absurd notion but then he shut his mouth as his mother spoke again. "You need to figure out your feelings because if you didn't love her, why does it still hurt so much when she's mentioned? You should be indifferent."

So he went to an already angry Richard and asked for the week off. Richard had waved his hand and after insuring that Derek had proper backup sent him on his way. So here he was sitting in his trailer realizing what a mess he had made of his life. What the hell had he done?

11 years, 11 birthdays, 11 Christmases, 11 Thanksgiving. She had been his family and he had sent her away.

He had screwed over the one person who had always been there for him and he didn't know what to do. He couldn't dare ask anyone in SGH for the forwarding address of Addison for fear of castration in the middle of the hospital without anesthesia and he knew if the fight with his mother was any indication she wouldn't be receptive of the idea of his phone call either which left him with only one other option.

Ask Mark Sloan.

Mark Sloan, his ex-best friend and the "adulterous sociopath" as he so aptly named him had to have the contact information for Addison. He needed to see her, if even it was only for a moment, only to apologize and beg her for forgiveness so he would humble himself and ask Mark for the number. He had treated her cruelly and he needed her forgiveness because he recognized he couldn't pick up the pieces of his life without it.

He was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of the phone ringing, "What the hell have you done?"

Derek flinched at the aggravated tone in his sister's voice, " Nancy so good to hear from you. What's going on with you?"  
Nancy screeched in his ear, "You know if you weren't my little brother, I would rip your throat out from across this phone line but instead I'm calling you to warn you that you have 30 minutes to get to the airport otherwise your going to be late to catch your flight."

Derek exhaled a calming breath and said " Nancy, why am I going to the airport? Is something wrong with Mom?"

He could hear Nancy pause and he wanted to scream. Whenever his sister's had something to tell him, they would pause to ponder how to tell him, it was almost as if they didn't trust him to react in a normal manner. It was a habit that Addison had picked up as well when he married her, as his thoughts inadvertently drifted back to her he heard his sister call his name repeatedly.

"Sorry about that Nancy, I got distracted."

Nancy snorted, "Still thinking of your slutty intern?"

Derek grimaced and said "Why don't you tell me instead why I'm supposed to be on a plane within the next thirty minutes?"

Nancy exhaled sharply and said "Mom is in the hospital."

Derek stood up and started for the door as he reached for the keys to his car and ran out to his car. As he slammed the door behind him he barked into the phone, "Why the hell didn't you say so? What's wrong with Mom?"

Nancy smiled and said "It's not Mom per se."

Derek swore under his breath as he got into his SUV and pulled out into the main thoroughfare and said, "What the hell are you trying to do Nancy? I'm having a heart attack over here. How am I going to the airport anyway, I assumed you already bought my ticket?"

Nancy smirked and he could swear he could see her smirk over the phone, "Of course your ticket is waiting for you at the counter. Listen, all I can tell you is Mom called me from the hospital and said that my mission was to get you to Manhattan within the next 2 hours or else she would never forgive me. I was of course under the assumption she was joking but then she called by my full name Derek….My full name."

Derek slammed on his brakes as he was coming to a red light as he cruised down the Feeder road before signaling to get on the freeway, "She called you your full name. She only does that in times…."

Nancy nodded and finished the sentence for him, "She doesn't call by my full name unless she's dying or someone's giving birth."

Derek listened as she mused aloud, "Someone has to be dying because Mom's not give birth anytime soon."  
**  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

"Mom?"

Addison opened her eyes slowly as she was coming back to consciousness and noticed the dimmed light from the lamp in front of her bed. It had been a difficult couple of months for her, when she had left Derek at the hospital all those months ago it had been with the hope that she would be able to forget him with time. But life has away of sneaking up and slapping the mess out of you. She had been feeling especially weak and nauseous for weeks after her return to Manhattan, all which she had chalked up to the fact that she was finally away from the better half of her soul and she no longer had any reason to go on pretending that she wasn't in pain. She had been one of those stupid romantics who believed the Greek legend about how everyone walked around the earth looking for her soul mate which she swore she had found in Derek. However when the doctor had laughed in her face and said you're not dying your just pregnant, she couldn't have been more shocked. She was in effect about to become a single mother. For a prestigious doctor like herself that wasn't acceptable, she was going to have to include Derek in her life again. He was going to be apart of her child's life and all her hopes and dreams of putting her disastrous marriage behind her, flew out the window.

She was going to become her mother. She hated the memory of Margaret Forbes Montgomery. The woman who had helped make her firm in her decision to become the complete polar opposite of her mother in every aspect of her personality. Her mother had been a woman who had loved her father with her everything and through all of his infidelities, abuse and alcoholism she stood by his side. She smiled when the gossip was flying around the society in their town because she loved her husband and her place was by his side. She didn't try to shut the mouths of those vipers because she knew that what they were saying was true. Addison had detested her father for putting her mother in that position but at times she hated her mother for not standing up for herself. Her mother had come from money and was smart enough to be able to survive on her own. She had never understood why she stayed so when her mother had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer she had gotten closer to her. It was almost like she realized that she might never have another chance to make up for leaving her mother behind and she had been shocked to realize that her mother had told her that when the type of love that she had for her father came along you would give them anything to keep them in your lives even if it meant looking like you were chasing after a impossible dream and were the laughingstock of all your friends and that she didn't regret a moment of her life with him. She swore to her mother up and down that day that she would never be in a position for a man to make her feel that way. Yet six months ago as she stared at the test results from her gynecologist that stated she was three months pregnant she recalled her mother's words and realized the truth in her mother's words.

She would never, not love Derek Shepherd. She would never, not want to be by his side but she would never, be his wife again. It was that thought that started her spiral into depression. She was pregnant with her ex-husband's child who didn't care if she lived or died and she was only surviving by the grace of God and she needed help to cope.

Her first call had been surprisingly to her ex-mother in-law who told her off after she asked if she could come by and talk to her.

_Flashback_

_"Mrs. Shepherd?"_

_"Addison, just because my son was stupid enough to divorce you doesn't give you the right to come to my home and insult me, for me you will always be one of my daughters' so please continue calling me Mom."_

_Addison felt her heart lift at the words. As sad as it was she had bonded more with Derek's mother than she had her own. There was something inviting about Derek's family. Even though she had been terrified with anxiety that they wouldn't accept her after Derek's sister, Nancy cracked the first joke she had become a part of a family that she missed desperately. _

_Derek's mother motioned her to a chair as she handed her a steaming cup of tea and some shortbread cookies that magically appeared as out of nowhere. She sat down herself and directed her to speak. "Mom, I need someone to talk to and since Derek is no longer my husband and you are the closest thing I have to family here, I came to you. Please let me know how I should proceed. I feel like I'm going in circles. Derek got his divorce and I gave him Seattle like he wanted but today I got this at the doctor's office."_

_Addison slid the paper across the table slowly. She knew her decision would greatly affect her relationship with Derek and his family but she had no other choice and as selfish as it seemed, she needed comfort as well and so she went to the woman who once had been her refuge. _

_Derek's mother opened the paper and after scanning it she started laughing. Addison gaped at her in shock. Of all the reactions she had been expecting laughter wasn't one of them. _

_"Mom, are you okay?"_

_Derek's mother pulled her into a hug as the tears started streaming down her face, "Of course I'm okay. I'm about to be a grandmother by my idiot son."_

_Addison flinched and said "So you don't think I'm trying to trap Derek back into marriage because I….."_

_Derek's mother cut her off, "I don't think that nor would I ever voice such a horrid thing. I was just laughing about the fact that my son seems to be under the impression that he can turn his back on you. I once, told him that his marriage to you was the most valuable possession that he had in his life. He obviously didn't follow my advice if this divorce is any indication. This piece of paper just proves my point. He can never be rid of you and you him, you two are meant for each other and this baby just proves it and I for one couldn't be happier."_

_End of Flashback_

Addison had never separated from her mother-in-law's side after that conversation. She had moved into her house and into Derek's old bedroom and was coddled and looked after every step of her pregnancy. Derek's mother accompanied her to all her doctor's appointments and never asked why Addison hadn't called Derek yet. She told her that she knew that when she was ready that she would call him. Her mother-in-law never stopped expressing her disapproval of how he treated to Addison to her friends and even Derek himself when he called.

_Flashback_

_"No Derek, I will not sit here and listen to you badmouth Addison, because you know what? You were both culpable in what happened to your marriage. It takes two Derek; it takes to fight and two to cheat which I know you did some of your own in that... You don't get off that easy." Addison eased into the door with her hand cradling her sore back as she looked at Derek's mother fighting with someone heatedly over the phone. She was about to turn around and go back upstairs when she heard her name and then heard the word badmouth and she knew that it had to be Derek. She turned to leave when Derek's mother motioned to her side._

_Addison shook her head but Derek's mother fixed her with the glare. She grimaced and sat down at the kitchen table. Derek always used to complain about the glares his mother sent his way and told her that she had the ability to make Hitler cringe in fear._

_As she sat at her mother-in-law's kitchen table she realized that she concurred with Derek's earlier assessment of his mother's ability. _

_"Derek, I know your hurt about your breakup with that intern, but that doesn't give you the right to blame your unhappiness on your wife."_

_Addison looked up in shock at the words of breakup and Meredith. She smiled to herself, well now she wasn't the only one getting dumped. She rubbed her seven month pregnant belly in disappointment at her own thoughts. She shouldn't wish unhappiness on anyone, and especially not when she was partly responsible for the breakup of her marriage. She had tuned out the conversation when she saw her mother-in-law stand up, "No Derek, I already told you that we are not fighting about this anymore. Goodbye."_

_Addison stared at her in shock, "Was Derek finished talking?"_

_Her mother-in-law shrugged and said "As far as I was concerned he was. He's hurt because he put all his eggs in one basket, Meredith and it's not working out like he planned so he wants to blame you for everything from losing the world series in 1952 to why his sock's don't match in the morning." _

_Addison snorted in laughter, "Yea that sounds like Derek."_

_Addison leaned her head back on Derek's mom and exhaled softly "Mom, why does it still hurt so much? I've been out here for months and I'm still no closer to getting over Derek than when I came here if anything with his child in my stomach I feel closer to him than ever. I'm living in his room; I'm wrapping myself in his clothes. I just miss him so much and I'm scared, I don't think I've ever been this scared because I still haven't learned to separate myself from him."_

_Addison cried a lot that night but as Derek's mother held her through her tears and comforted her she knew that she would be okay as long as this strong woman was by her side._

_End of Flashback_

Addison smiled at the memories of being so close to her mother. Well, she was really her mother-in-law but it was an insult to her to be called anything else but mother so when she had gone into labor she looked to her mother for guidance.

As she felt the first contraction earlier that day she smiled in disbelief and excitement. She was ready to bring her child into the world but as she laid back on the bed she realized that she was bringing her first child into the world alone and without a husband by her side.

**_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_**

When Derek Shepherd's mother called you came. When she called you by your full name including middle you ran. So when he had boarded the flight headed for New York he didn't question. He had only had time to leave a quick voicemail on Richard's machine letting him know that he was going to attend a family emergency and would be reachable by pager if need be.

When he stepped off the plane he had called Nancy who he found out had rushed over to the hospital and as she gave him directions to the hospital he breathed deeply after giving the instructions to the driver asked again what was going on. Nancy sounded as baffled as he did and said that Mom only called her and told her what to do and that she was just following instructions. She swore that as soon as she found out anymore information that she would call him immediately.

As the taxi driver drove up to the hospital lobby room he realized that his hopes of learning about his mysterious visit would come to an end with whatever he was about to encounter here. After tipping the driver he pulled his jacket around him tighter and ran into the building. He encountered his sister, Nancy sitting in the cafeteria sipping on coffee quietly.

He sat down and said "What's wrong?"

Nancy looked up at him disconcerted and smiled softly, "You made it."

Derek rolled his eyes as he took her cup from her and stole a sip and gagged. "What the hell did you put in this stuff?"

Nancy smiled and rolled her eyes, "Little brother, I'm not going to dignify that response with an answer. Look, have you seen Mom yet?"

Derek shook his head and said "I wanted to know what was happening before I saw her. What should I prepare myself for here?"

Nancy leaned forward and swiped her coffee back from him, "Mom has to tell you because she's the only one who knows the whole story. I just came into this weird equation tonight."

Derek nodded in understanding and stood up when Nancy called him back, "Go easy on her, she did what she thought was right and you are no one to judge her."

Derek looked at her in shock and nodded again and went off in search of his mother.

**_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_**

_"_Mom?"

Julia Marie Shepherd was the matriarch of the family Shepherd, as she always had been but she was a wonderful woman. People who walked down the streets swore that she was the only remaining icon of Donna Reed. She personified mother and grandmother in one so when his mother looked up at him with eyes full of tears he knew that whatever she asked he would give it to her. As a youngster, he had always been strongly affected whenever she cried so without waiting another moment he pulled her into his arms. She sobbed against his chest and pulled back and kissed him on the cheek and motioned for him to sit down.

He sat down in front of her as she pulled his hands into her lap, "Derek, thanks for coming."

Derek smirked softly and said "No thanks are needed I was told that my life was in danger if I didn't come and that was directly from Nancy's mouth."

Julia rolled her eyes at this and said " Nancy did over exaggerate. I wasn't going to threaten you bodily but I did use her full name which makes the matter urgent, we need to discuss Addison."

Derek flinched at the mention of her name and said "Mom, I don't think this is a good time to discuss her. I've had some time to realize the mistakes I've been making lately and the one that I regret the most is with her. She uprooted her life to give our marriage another try and I gave her nothing and I'm just sorry that I didn't have a chance to apologize the way I should."

Julia smiled softly as she stroked her son's hair and said "I'm glad you said that because Addison is why we are here today."

Derek looked up in shock, "What do you mean Addison is why we are here? What's going on Mom?"

Julia took her son's hand as they started walking towards the elevators. She pushed the button for up and then turned to her son and said "We are going up to the nursery. There's someone I want you to meet."

**_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_**

Addison opened her eyes as a shaft of light filtered through the door. She closed her eyes and cleared her throat again and said, "Mom?"

She had been waiting for the appearance of Derek's mother ever since they had taken her into surgery after they realized that a natural birth wasn't going to be possible. Addison had never been more frightened in her life and she now knew what compassion she needed to impart to all of her patients that found themselves in that position. She struggled to sit up because she was desperate to hear news about the baby. She had declined to learn the sex of the child because she had been determined to be surprised. She would love her child no matter what it was, boy or girl so she wanted to learn at the moment of birth but unfortunately as she was unconscious during the procedure her only hope had been to wake up to see her child in her mother-in-law's arms. She pushed the button on the side of the bed up as she came face to face with her visitor and fell back on the bed in shock.

Derek stood in the doorway with her child tucked in his arms with tears coming down his cheeks as Julia pushed him in the room and closed the door behind them. Addison felt the air leave her lungs as she lay back on the bed. She had always told Julia that she would never keep Derek from his child and she meant to keep that promise but what she didn't tell her was that she also wanted a moment to focus on who she was as a mother before she confronted her past and told Derek that he was the father of her child.

Addison felt the tears come to her eyes as the bundle in Derek's arm started crying softly. Addison still felt too choked up to speak and instead held out her arms in supplication for her child. Derek immediately walked over and complied and for the first time Addison looked down on the face of her son and instantly fell in love with the bundle of joy.

She had brought into the world Derek's son and she didn't know how she was ever going to be apart from him. She kissed him softly on the cheek and he quieted down and started searching. Addison knew what he wanted and she looked at Derek in question who without word helped her remove part of her gown so she could breast feed their son.

As she positioned her son in her arms she guided him to her nipple and he immediately latched on and started suckling. Addison gasped at the sensation and Derek looked up in alarm but Addison shook her head and cleared her throat, "It's just a new feeling. I wasn't prepared, everything is okay."

Derek nodded and sat down and watched entranced as she fed their child for the first time. Addison leaned back in the bed as her son drank greedily from her and looked at him, "Mom called you?"

Derek nodded and said, "She thought I should be here."

Addison nodded but didn't ask for any other explanation. As their son finished feeding she looked up at him shyly and asked if he would like to burp him and hold him. Derek nodded and reached for their son as Addison leaned back against the bed and after adjusting her gown she laid back on the bed and watched the two of them as Derek expertly walked around the room with their son tucked carefully in his arms.

Derek looked at her and said, " Addison."

Addison looked at him under hooded eyes, she was still under the effects of the anesthesia and she was about to drift off to sleep again. She rolled her head to meet his eyes and spoke softly, "What?"

Derek walked over to the bed and kissed her on the forehead, "Thank you….for showing me…."

Addison laughed and said, "I showed you something? I showed you what?"

Derek smiled and said, "That there's a thin line between love and hate and I think I finally crossed it. Addison, I love you."

Addison hadn't heard the end of their conversation as she fell asleep but standing in front of her hospital bed with his world in his hands, Derek swore that he would demonstrate that their love was stronger than any feelings of hate that he had once harbored to her and that the love they shared would help them heal each others wounds and themselves as they raised their future together.

**Epilogue (1 Year Later) **

Addison stood up from her place in the lawn chair and put her hands on her hips. "Cameron Jacob Shepherd what are you doing?"

Her one year old son turned on his heel and away from the flower bed where he was about to cause trouble and toddled back to her in delight. She swooped down and picked him up and smothered his face with kisses. He giggled as he wrapped his arms around her neck and Addison thought she would cry with the pleasure of holding her world in her arms.

It had been a difficult couple of months since she had come to the realization that Derek Shepherd wasn't leaving her side. He was set on the fact that he would be there for her and they would rebuild their lives together. It had touched her to realize that she wasn't alone in the feeling that they were still in love and so armed with that fact they broke each other down. To the LCD as she liked to call it, the lowest common denominator. There had been screaming and slamming doors but only when her mother-in-law was watching Cameron. She and Derek had agreed that they would never fight in front of their son and vowed that if they felt the need they would both go somewhere and cool off or go to separate rooms but that Cameron would never be a party to them not being able to communicate well.

For his part, Derek had been pretty sure in what he wanted. He wanted her back and a family with her and he thought it was pretty simple. Addison had looked at him in disbelief and asked if he suddenly had erased the past year of their lives. Derek shrugged and said we made mistakes. That had led to one fight, the fight that they now teasingly called the "year of my life" fight. She hated to remember their fights because it always had a way of depressing her. Yes, the fights were necessary because it helped them evolve into the people they now where but it didn't make it any easier when she reminisced on the nights of sobbing and fear that she went through worrying that surely this fight would be the one that would break the camel's back. It wasn't until around Cameron's six month birthday that she realized they were going to be okay.

_Flashback_

_"Derek, do you think we will have enough footage? Why didn't you call Channel 13 news so they could broadcast it as well?"_

_Addison stood in front in the kitchen of her newly purchased penthouse in Seattle with her hands on her hips. She had grudgingly accepted to move back to Seattle when she realized that Derek was serious about putting their lives back together and that his previous request of her leaving him Seattle was no longer valid. As she stared into Derek's eyes she felt exasperation and love at the same time._

_"Addi, listen to me. Our son, Cameron is turning six months old and you know that we have to celebrate. We can't just let this celebration go by unnoticed."_

_Addison rolled her eyes in exasperation, "Of course I know that our son is turning six months, I was carrying him for nine months but Derek he's a baby and while I was planning on having a cake with your mom and sisters' and Richard and a couple of people from work, but hiring a catering company, having a balloon castle and an clown for a six month old Derek? Come on, you don't think that's a little extreme?" _

_Derek crossed his arms in front of him, "Addi, we only have one child yet….We need to think about how it will look to the neighbors if we don't blow out this party for Cameron now, when our other children come…."_

_Addison coughed to cover her surprise, "Other children? Derek, we can't go a week without a fight, half the time you live in your trailer I live in this penthouse and the other half of the time we are squeezing into your trailer when we miss each other too much. That is not the type of life I want Cameron to lead besides, our situation is so uncertain that I only think it fair if we take it one step at a time."_

_Derek pulled Addison to him and held her in his arms, "I can't take it any slower or else I'm going to explode Addi…" _

_Leaning down he inhaled her scent as he rubbed her back soothingly, "Addi?"_

_Addi was currently entranced by the feel of Derek's hand on her back. There was something about this man's hands that always left her like putty in his arms. "Mmmhmm?" _

_Derek smiled to himself, he had her just where he wanted her. "Addi, say you love me."_

_He ended the statement with a carefully placed kiss on her open shoulder and as he heard her sigh he knew he had won, "I love you Derek." _

_Derek smiled and said, "Say that I can throw this big birthday party for our son and you won't object." _

_Addison started to pull back and Derek quickly stepped up his ministrations as he simultaneously rubbed her back and started massaging her scalp. She was moaning with pleasure and said, "You can have as big as a birthday party as you want…"_

_Derek laughed satisfied that he got her answer decided to ask the one question that had been worrying his nights. The one he had pondered over asking her ever since he saw the ring in the jeweler's window and had on impulse purchased the item. "Addi, say you'll marry me again."_

_Addison exhaled on a sigh, "Of course I'll marry you again." _

_End of Flashback_

Addison smiled as she remembered that memory. She had abruptly pulled back and looked at him in shock and asked if he was serious. After assuring her he was he presented her with the 3 carat diamond solitaire and bent down on knee and asked again. She had been ecstatic and had accepted on the spot which brought her to today.

Cameron was one year old tomorrow and he was currently enjoying some down time with his parents before tomorrow's festivities. After she had accepted Derek's proposal they had gone down to the courthouse with a couple of their closest friends, Miranda and her husband Tucker and the newly reunited Webbers, Richard and Adele had served as witnesses of course with their son Cameron in tow who to the delight of everyone present clapped when the judge said that he could kiss the bride. She was still remembering his look of innocent joy as she brushed his curly amber golden locks away from his face and pressed a gentle kiss to her son's brow. He was the joy of their lives and sometime she couldn't believe that she was currently in this position. Back with the man that completed her and with a child in tow who was the joy of their lives, it seemed too good to be true and at times she felt it was. She was surrounded by people who adored her son and her and she was happy in Seattle for the fist time since deciding to fight for her marriage.

She was startled out of her thoughts by her squirming son, Cameron, who was no longer content sitting on her hip alone and tried sliding down her leg and running off when Derek came outside. Addison's face lit up at the same time as their son's as Cameron squealed in delight when from behind him Julia Shepherd came from behind. She lit up too at the sight of her daughter-in-law and her grandson who was the perfect blend of his two gorgeous parents. She would tell anyone who asked how she knew that they would make gorgeous babies because let's face it, they were gorgeous themselves and Cameron certainly didn't disappoint.

Addison let him slide down gently off her hip and rubbed her back in discomfort. She had just gotten back her figure after the birth of Cameron and was excited to show off her latest bikini when Derek decided they needed to take a family vacation. She decided it was the perfect time to bring her bikini and try it out, unfortunately once she left the hotel bathroom and Derek saw what she was wearing the last thing on his mind was swimming in the pool which is how she wound up three months pregnant the day before her son's one year old birthday party.

"Mom, you made it."

Julia nodded as she easily swept a chatty Cameron in her arms and leaned over and graced Addison with a hug and a kiss. "How are you doing dear? I do miss you living with me, I used to see you every morning and made sure you were away from stress i.e. my son…How are you dealing with him now?"

Addison graced her with a beautiful smile and once again Julia was pleased she had waited as long as she had to call her son. She could tell the time apart from Addison had made him appreciate what he was about to lose for his stupid pride.

Addison smiled and said, "We are doing great and Cameron is certainly keeping us on our toes. Isn't that right Derek?" Derek nodded as he wrapped his arms around his wife waist while using one of his hands to gentle massage her slowly growing belly. He leaned his head on her shoulder and exhaled in satisfaction.

Addison leaned back with a smile and said, "What are you sighing about?"

Derek leaned in and kissed her on the lips softly, "Come on, I think we can walk for a moment. There's something I want to say."

Julia waved them off as her energetic grandson gave her the grand tour of his backyard.

Derek held Addison hand in his as they walked together, "You remember I used to take Spanish in college don't you?"

Addison snorted, "Yea I remember, you were so white."

Derek looked at her in disbelief, "What do you mean I was so white?"

Addison looked away and said, "Okay so I had friends who were fluent in Spanish and you were kinda speaking broken Spanish that they always made fun of….They called you the Gringo Spanish guy."

Derek rolled his eyes and said, "Well, I may have not been fluent in the pronunciation but I learned to love some of the music and there's this one from a song that I think fits perfectly. I want to say and then I can let this whole walk down memory lane go about how bad my Spanish is…."

Addison stopped mid step and turned to him in question, "What is it?"

Derek, after hearing what her friend's thought of his broken Spanish decided to go for it and spoke softly and with emotion, "Entre el amor y el odio esta la linea del perdon, cruzarla significa dale vida A esta passion y esta amor."

Addison pulled his head to hers for a kiss and said, "Between love and hate there's a line of forgiveness, crossing that line signifies giving life to this passion and this love. I love it. But your right, it sounds so much better in Spanish."

Derek locked lips with her again and sighed against her mouth, "I love you Addison Forbes Montgomery Satan Shepherd."

Addison looked back at him and rolled her eyes as they walked hand in hand back to their son and future, "I love you Derek Marcus Shepherd…even though you're still a jerk sometimes."

* * *

Fin - Review Pretty Please:) 


	2. Ever the Same

Rating: PG 13 for Adult Themes

Pairing: Addek (Another Long Oneshot) This is a followup to Thin Line  
Summary: 3 Years we fall back into the lives of the Shepherd family to see where everyone is.  
Disclaimers: I'll tell you what, if they were mine they would be doing everything you read but since they're not, then they aren't  
mine so were cool right:)

* * *

**Another Installment 3 Years Later **

"Dad, will you hurry please?" Derek came running down the stairs at the behest of his son to see his son leaning against the staircase on the last step tapping his foot and his hands on his hips. Derek grinned as he looked at his child who resembled his wife so much sometimes that he would swear that Addison spit him out by herself.

"I'm here son, now what's the hurry?" Derek ruffled his son's auburn hair which was currently long as he was waiting on Derek to accompany him to get a haircut. Addison had offered to take Cameron to the barber but he stated that the barbershop was for men and not mothers.

Cameron glared at him and looked at his watch that his mother had bought him for his 3rd birthday. She had taught him how to tell time and as a present she presented him with a new watch with his favorite Superhero character which was currently Superman. "Dad, we are going to be late if you don't hurry. Uncle Tucker and Tuck Jr. are waiting."

Derek nodded in understanding and said, "Your right but we have to say goodbye to your mom and sister before we go." Before he had a chance to hear his son's protest Addison and their daughter Kayla Rose came out of the kitchen giggling. Kayla stopped in front of her brother with a grin and ran over and started chanting, "Cammie, Cammie….."

It never ceased to amaze Derek the amount of love and patience that his son constantly exhibited with his baby sister. By all rights, he should've thrown many a temper tantrum because she came on the scene to steal his spotlight. They had both been shocked when Cameron had taken a protective stance when it came to his baby sister. Addison had shrugged it off and said they should get along because they were brother and sister but Derek knew better. It had to do with the fact that his wife was a wonderful mother. At every step during her pregnancy she always included Cameron; she let him feel her stomach and bond with the baby as she did herself so when Kayla had been born there was no reason for jealousy because he had been just as excited as they were.

Addison walked over to her husband and kissed him briefly as his arms wrapped around her waist. They could watch the two of them interact all day.

Cameron turned to his baby sister and said, "What is it Kayla?" Kayla presented him with a toothy grin and said, "Mom and I cookies."

Cameron looked to his mother for guidance in deciphering his sister. Addison nodded and said, "We were making some chocolate chip cookies for you guys to take out on your men's trip." Ever since Derek and Tucker bonded as would be expected seeing as how their wives were best friends the two men had easily fell into a nice friendship. It also didn't hurt that Tucker was grateful that Derek had saved his life and Addison his wife's life. They had made a pact that once a month they would go out with their sons for some good old-fashioned male bonding.

Derek kissed her cheek in gratitude and turned to Cameron and said, "So you ready?"

Cameron rolled his eyes in exasperation, "I've been ready for months Dad." While Cameron had a good grasp of time he also had a good grasp of how to over exaggerate a trait that Addison swears that he inherited from Derek.

Derek nodded and said, "So what are my two women doing in my absence?" Kayla looked up as if she had just noticed that her father was in the room and ran over and grabbed his legs begging to be picked up. Derek picked her up with a smile as he positioned her on his hip as Addison walked over to Cameron and leaned down and pressed a kiss to his head.

Cameron fidgeted and said, "Mom, I'm too old for that stuff."

Derek put his daughter down after smothering her with kisses and walked over to his wife and pulled her into his arms as he looked at his son in disbelief, "I'm never too old to kiss a girl." Derek bent Addison backwards and met her smiling lips with his eager ones.

As he brought her back up Cameron was looking at him in question, "Dad girls are gross. Why would you say Mom's a girl?"

Addison turned to Cameron in shock and said, "Cameron, I'll have you know that I am a girl."

Cameron rolled his eyes and pulled his father aside. Derek met Addison's eyes with his amused ones as he knelt down next to his son and said, "What's on your mind Cam?"

Cameron whispered in his Dad's ear, "Dad, Mom isn't a girl. Why did you let her think she was a girl?"

Derek looked at his son in confusion, "If your mom's not a girl then what is she?"

Cameron looked at him disappointed and spoke slowly as if his father didn't understand plain English, "Dad Mom's a Mom. She's not a girl." Having stated that he pulled away and turned to his mother and sister and said, "We have to go. Bye."

Derek looked at his wife in amusement as he blew his wife and daughter a kiss as his son dragged him out of the door.

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Addison checked her watch again as she waited on her guests. Ever since Tucker and Derek had instituted their once a month male bonding outing, she and Miranda had introduced one to their group that opened up to include Kayla and Callie who was now happily married to a sedate Mark Sloan. Every time she thought back on the two of them she always felt a smile come to her face. Mark had shown once and for all that he was capable of a monogamous relationship and he been blessed with a happy one with Callie. They were currently engaged and had set a wedding date for sometime in April of next year. She couldn't be happier for them and she knew that even though it took awhile for Derek to accept that Mark wasn't his enemy anymore they had worked their way back to a shaky friendship for which she was grateful. She had been worried that she was going to have to call an end to her friendship with Callie because of her relationship with Mark

_Flashback _

_Addison__ slammed the door behind Derek as they walked into the house and sat down at the kitchen table both taking their stance in preparation of the oncoming argument. Addison stood up against the counter as she looked at her husband and said, "Derek, you can't keep getting into a fight every time you see Mark next to me." _

Derek scowled as he stared at his wife, "He had his hand on your shoulder."

_Addison rolled her eyes, "He was moving me out of the way so he could get to Callie there was nothing there."_

_Derek pouted and sat down at the table and said, "I just don't like him next to you."_

_Addison sat down and held out her hands which he took and held in his own and said, "I love you and I will never be unfaithful to you again. I hope you know that."_

_Derek rolled his eyes, "I know that, I'm not worried about that. I'm just ticked that he's still in our lives and there's a possibility he can touch you. But I guess I can make an exception because I know that he's dating Callie and they seem to be happy."_

_Addison smiled softly, "Thank you; you don't know what that means to me. It means even more to me especially since I wasn't planning on giving up on my friendship with Callie just because you were jealous about Mark which is completely unwarranted."_

_Derek motioned for her to come here and she walked over to his side of the table and sat on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist and said, "You know that I trust you right?," Addison met his question with an affirmative nod of her own and he continued, "I just go into a rage every time I see a man next to you, any man but especially **that** man. You do remember what happened when I saw you laughing with Preston too much at the last hospital's charity ball don't you?"_

_Addison grinned sultrily and said, "Of course I do, you ripped my favorite Vera Wang dress as you were pushing me against the door of the hotel room we had to rent at the last moment because you were unable to control yourself. You had pushed me against the door and started to…." She leaned in and whispered the rest of their acts that night into his ear and had the pleasure of watching his face darken with desire. _

_Derek cleared his throat gruffly as he stood up and held out his hands and pulled her up with him and said, "Come on, it's bed time." _

_Addison laughed as they locked hands and ran for the stairs and said, "Whatever you say dear."_

End of Flashback

She was startled out of her thoughts by the sound of the door knocking. She looked to the couch to where Kayla lay sleeping. She always claimed that she would stay up and see the end of their slumber party but in the six months since the institution had been initiated she hadn't stayed away for one.

Addison walked to the door and let in Callie and Miranda who had shopping bags in their hands. "Make way for the annual monthly Girls Night in." Callie turned to Miranda in confusion and said, "How can you have an annual monthly?"

Addison laughed and said, "Will you guys come in? You know where to put everything, I'm just going to put Kayla in her bed unfortunately she didn't make it again."

Callie smiled and said, "How about I put the pumpkin to bed and you get the bags?"

Addison raised an eyebrow at this and said, "Since when do you trade bag duty for Kayla?"

Callie rolled her eyes as she walked over to the couch and easily picked up the child and turned to Addison and a Miranda who had come out of the kitchen interested. Callie rubbed Kayla's back soothingly and said, "Since, I thought that I could be pregnant. I started to wonder what it would be like to be a mother and all. You guys know that I'm not the most affectionate person but when I put my mind to it I think that I could be a good mother."

Addison beamed at her and said, "Of course you are going to be a great mother. You just have to make sure that Mark is going to be a great father."

Callie shook her head as she walked upstairs to deposit Kayla in the bed.

**_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_**

Derek looked at Tucker and his son and said, "So manly men what are we going to do on this monthly outing?"

Tucker shrugged his shoulders and said, "I was thinking putt-putt golf or a movie?"

Derek smiled and said, "That's cool with me, especially since Addison made cookies."

Tucker's eyes lit up and said, "Guy, where are they? I would so marry your wife if for no other reason than those cookies."

Derek rolled his eyes as he tossed him the bag full of cookies and turned to Cameron and Tuck Jr. who were playing video games on the floor in quiet. Tucker came up behind him and said, "They are going to grow up to be good friends."

Derek nodded in agreement, "I sure hope so. I was always worried that because Tuck was a year older that maybe he wouldn't want to be bothered with Cameron but they seem to be the best of friends."

Tucker nodded in agreement and started munching on a cookie, "I have a better idea. Let's call for pizza, watch a movie and stay in. We don't have to always go out every month do we?"

Derek nodded in agreement as they sat down and told the boys of their plan.

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

"No, he didn't." Addison nodded as she sipped on a glass of Chardonnay and looked at Callie and Miranda in bemusement. They had finished a dinner of pasta, salad and dessert and had now retired to her living room for wine and conversation.

"I swear, Cameron told me that I wasn't a girl. I don't know what he told Derek but Derek left the house with a look of humor on face."

Miranda shook her head in laughter, "Where do they come up with these things? Just the other day Tuck told me that he wasn't going to clean up his room."

Addison leaned forward, "Tuck said that? But he's always so well-mannered and polite; I can't imagine him saying that he wasn't going to clean his room."

Miranda snorted, "Yea he's well-mannered and polite when he's over here because I threaten him within an inch of his life. No, he told me that he wasn't going to clean his room because Tucker had let him watch a movie where the comedian said that cleaning up was woman's work."

Callie snorted and said, "Why did Tucker allow Tuck Jr. to see something like that?"

Miranda shrugged as she sipped from her glass and said, "I don't know why he let him see it, but I tell you what, he'll think twice before he does it again. I made both of the men go into the room and clean it from top to bottom."

Addison laughed and said, "Boy, I can just imagine their expression."

Miranda ran to her purse, "I've got it all on tape….it'll come in handy when he starts dating."

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

"So Addison isn't a girl huh? I have to admit that adds a new one to a list of the things I've heard." Tucker sat with his beer in his hand as Derek pulled the blanket over the two of the boys who had fallen asleep after stuffing themselves full of pizza and thirty minutes into the movie.

Derek smirked in agreement, "Yea, you should've seen her face it was quite comical being told that you aren't a girl."

Tucker nodded and as he sipped winced and turned to him and said, "Whatever you do, don't let your son see anything by this guy whose name I can't remember at the moment. He's a comedian who makes his way talking about how things should really be between men and women…Well I was stupid enough to watch it one night while I was watching Tuck Jr. and he watched the whole show with me."

Derek shrugged and said, "So what's wrong with that? His subject material sounds pretty mild compared to some."

Tucker scowled and said, "That's what I thought as well, until….well until that weekend when Miranda was doing her weekly cleaning of the house and told Tuck Jr. to clean his room and he told her that was woman's work and that he wasn't going to do it."

Derek had his bottle to his lips and was sipping when he heard the last part of that statement and started coughing. He pulled the bottle away from his lips and said, "Tuck Jr. told the Nazi that he wasn't going to clean his room because it was woman's work. And you're still here?"

Tuck rolled his eyes at the nickname that they had for his wife and said, "Yea, she made Tuck and I clean the room together. After which I was subjected to a 2-hour lecture on ensuring that I use parental soundness of mind when allowing my impressionable son to watch TV with me."

Derek winced and said, "Sounds like you got off easy."

Tucker nodded and said, "That's what I thought until I tried to sleep in our bed that night…"

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

"You made him sleep on the couch?"

Callie snorted after draining the last of her wine cooler and sat back with a laugh. "Poor Tucker didn't know what he started. Well at least he'll be smarter about letting his child just watch anything."

Addison nodded in agreement and Miranda looked at her watch, "Well, it's about that time ladies. We should be going."

Addison checked her watch then opened her mouth in surprise, "I had no idea it was so late. Time flies when I'm with you girls."

Miranda shook her head, "You're not with us girls."

Callie started picking up the trash and turned to Miranda in confusion, "So then what are we?"

Addison giggled and said, "We're mothers didn't you know?"

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Hours Later

Derek had placed Cameron into bed and was about to get into bed when he saw Addison talking on the phone. He came up behind her and sat down on the bed and watched as she spoke tersely to the other person on the end of the line, "No, don't do anything until I get there Stevens. Yes, I know that you can take vital signs as well as the next person. No, I'm not calling you into question, look we are dealing with a high risk patient and even the slightest misstep could cost our patient their life and the life of their child. Yes, I'm on my way."

Addison hung up the phone and sighed in exasperation. She sat down next to Derek on the bed and pulled his hand into her lap, "Derek, I'm sorry to ask you this but do you think you could drive me to the hospital? I'll call Callie and have her watch the kids but I had two glasses of wine and I don't feel safe getting on the road."

Derek nodded and kissed her on the head, "Sure, go get ready. I'll drive you."

Addison leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips, "Thanks." She pulled back as Derek's eyes darkened and he watched as she walked over to her dresser and said, "You know I have an idea."

Addison turned to her dresser drawers and started pulling out the clothes that she planned on wearing to the hospital. After she closed her last drawer she turned to her husband and said, "So what's your idea?"

Derek shrugged as he walked over to Addison and pulled her into his arms and settled his arms around her waist, "Well since you and I had such a strenuous evening and you need to take a shower before you go to work and I'm tired from pressing play, rewind and stop on the remote we both need a shower so….Let's conserve water…"

Addison smirked at him as she leaned against his chest and looked at him in laughter, "Conserve water Dr. Shepherd? And how do you propose we do that?"

Derek leaned into her mouth and said, "I was thinking, would you be open to say…showering together?" As he closed the gap between their lips and she sighed against his mouth he knew that he wasn't going to be showering alone and he couldn't be happier about the turn in events.

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Dr. Webber hated being taken out of meetings and especially when it was with the board of directors in regards to his competency to continue handling the Chief position. He would've been more upset if he hadn't learned the true reason when he walked into his office and his wife Adele was there stroking Kayla's hair as she was falling back asleep.  
He closed the door behind him and said, "What are our grandchildren doing here at this hour?"

Adele looked up at him with a smile, " Addison called, she said she couldn't get in touch with Callie or Miranda and one of her patient took a turn for the worse. Derek would watch them but when they got here he was brought in to consult on a patient who has a brain tumor. So naturally, in steps GranDiva."

Richard snorted and said, "I still can't believe that you came up with that name for yourself and meanwhile I'm stuck with Grandpa. Why didn't you think of a nickname for me?"

Adele stood up after she pulled a blanket over Kayla and Cameron who were sleeping side by side contentedly and walked over to Richard and pulled him into her arms, "Richard, GranDiva's don't think of names for anyone else but themselves."

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
**

Hours Later

Addison sat in the locker room with her mask in her hand and a solemn face. She heard the door open up behind her but didn't move as she was too caught up in her own grief. She knew it was him, too many years together she knew everything about him. His walk, his cologne how he shuffled his feet when he was nervous…. "Addi, what happened?"

Addison exhaled, "She didn't make it. I saved her child, but I lost her on the table. I'm just tired Derek, I'm tired of bringing children into the world with no mothers to take care of them."

Derek placed his hands on her shoulders and squeezed slightly. This was one of the things that he loved about his wife, she had the most compassionate heart of anyone he knew and she always tried to fight for both her patient and the baby and when she couldn't save them both it would devastate her. Derek sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms.

Addison started crying softly, "I just think, what if that had been me Derek?"

Derek flinched and said, "God no, please don't say that. Don't even voice it, I can't even imagine…"

Addison placed a calming hand on his leg and said, "It could've happened you know. The doctors had to intervene with Cameron, I had to have a caesarean, and I could've died on the table and then…."

Derek closed his eyes as his voice cracked, "And then I would've died with you. Addison, please don't ever doubt what you mean to me or what the life that we have together signifies. If I had lost you and missed out on a chance that we've had together these last fifteen years….I don't think I could be standing."

Addison looked up at him and leaned forward and gently pressed her lips to his in a sign of understanding. "Derek, I love you."

Derek smiled softly and cradled his still crying wife in his arms and said, "I love you too."

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Addison shuffled into Richard's office as they watched their two children sleeping. Adele came up behind her and said, "They are little angels aren't they?"

Addison smiled and said, "Yes they are GranDiva. Yes they are."

Adele rolled her eyes and said, "You know Richard is jealous. He wants his own nickname."

Addison smiled and said, "Who wouldn't be jealous, I was thinking of changing my name from Mom to something more hip."

Adele laughed and said, "Listen, I know you have had a rough day but I wanted to know if I could borrow you to talk to my niece about something she's concerned about. She found out she was pregnant and…."

Addison held up her hand, "Say no more. I'll be happy to check her out, after all after everything that you've done for us….why wouldn't I?"

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Derek stood up at the desk and looked at the chart in front of him. He had sent Addison home with the kids as another case came up as he was walking out the door with his wife and children. God, what he wouldn't give to be at home with them right now. The idea of being with them was too tempting but he had other matters to attend to. He closed his eyes and shook his head to clear his thoughts, upon opening his eyes he refocused on the chart.

Mark walked up to him and said, "I heard you needed me on a consult?"

Derek nodded and said, "Yea, how you doing?"

Mark shrugged. He didn't know how to answer Derek's questions most of the time. Sometimes he felt that he was in a good place with Derek and sometimes he felt that he wasn't. It was almost like it depended on the mood Derek was in so he just followed the flow. Today he was in a particularly happy mood as he had talked with Julia Shepherd earlier about where to rent the room for their wedding. When he thought of Derek's mother it made him realize how much he still hated himself for the affair that he and Addison had. That family had taken them both in and provided them with unconditional love and never reproaches had almost been blown apart completely by their mistake. When Derek had fought to get Addison back, Mark had secretly been pleased but nevertheless he was still shocked when one day after Addison had moved back to Seattle, Julia had called him to ask how they were doing. Mark had cleared his throat in fear and asked whether she knew that he was the reason for the breakup of their marriage. Julia laughed in his ear and told him not to give himself so much credit, which had in turn opened the door for them to become friends again. As he did, he turned to her more and more as he used to and she had been ecstatic when he announced that he was thinking of giving up the bachelor life and settling down with Callie once and for all. After meeting Callie she had dubbed her another honorary daughter and had asked what help they needed with the wedding.

"Mark?"

Mark looked up and shook his head to clear his mind, "Sorry about that….I'm doing good, thanks for asking and you guys? Julia told me that she was excited about her upcoming visit to Seattle."

Derek groaned and said, "God, I had almost forgotten about that. You know at times, I swear that she gave birth to Addison and not me. She always is on Addison's side and she still glares at me sometimes for what happened with Meredith. She favors Addison over me and it's not fair."

Mark rolled his eyes and said, "Stop whining and tell me what you need a consult on."

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Julia Marie Shepherd stepped off the plane at Seattle with a smile on her face; she had paid extra to come in earlier so that she could surprise her family. She was on the way to see her daughter and grandchildren. She knew her son was included in the package but as she still wasn't talking to him for saying something smart about Nancy he was currently on her out list. She was halfway to the cab when her cell phone rang.

"Julia Shepherd?"

"Julia Shepherd, are you a relation of Nancy Shepherd?"

Julia felt her heart drop in her stomach at the tone in the person's voice, "Yes, I'm Nancy Shepherd's mother. Why did something happen?"

The person on the other end exhaled sharply and said, "Your daughter was in a head-on collision tonight and they're transferring her to Seattle Central but I have to warn you that it's critical and we will need a family member there to make some serious decisions."

Nancy choked back on a sob and said, "If she's in Seattle then I want her transferred to Seattle Grace."

She could hear the impatience in the person's voice, "Ma'am I'm sure that she'll get just as good attention at Seattle Central as she would Seattle Grace. We are already in route to Seattle Central, please just meet us there."

Julia exhaled deeply and launched into another mode her protective mother mode, "My son, Dr. Derek Shepherd is one of the world's best neurosurgeons and if my daughter was involved in a head-on collision that she needs the best and the best is my son who is at Seattle Grace. Now do you want me to start a lawsuit because you refused to give my daughter the best care possible?"

As she heard the silence on the other end of the line, she knew she won. She mumbled her thanks into the phone and after hanging up called Addison's cell phone.  
**  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

"Mom, what's wrong?"

Addison flinched as she listened to Julia outline the seriousness of Nancy's case. She nodded and told her she was on her way as she hung up and told her to calm down.

She sat on the edge of the bed and exhaled as she felt the tears threaten to start anew. She had already been through enough with the loss of her patient but know to know that the life of her sister Nancy hung in the balance had her wanting to curl up into a ball and shut out the world. She exhaled sharply and went into the children's room. She smiled as she noticed that both were sleeping peacefully after all of the commotion they went through that night.

She went into her room when she heard the phone ring, "Hello?"

" Addison, I just heard your message what's up. Did you still need me to come over and watch the children?"

Addison smiled and said, "Please Callie. I just got a call from Derek's mom and his sister Nancy was involved in a head-on collision and her condition is critical. I have to get to the hospital and be there for my family."

Callie nodded in understanding, "I'm on my way."

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Julia Shepherd walked into the halls of Seattle Grace with her heart in her throat. She was worried to death about her daughter Nancy and how Derek would react to the fact that she would be coming to the hospital and that she had specifically asked that he be the one to handle her case. She knew it was going to be difficult but she didn't trust anyone else.

As she came up to the counter she saw a sight that she didn't think she would be privy to ever again. Mark and Derek were cracking jokes and laughing. Mark was the first to notice her arrival and knocked Derek on the arm. Derek looked at him and then turned to her in shock, "Mom, what are you doing here?"

Julia walked up to her son and embraced him as the fear of the last couple of hours ran over here, "You didn't talk to Addison yet?"

Derek pulled out his cell phone and cursed silently, "I need to charge it, besides what are you doing here so soon anyway Mom?"

Mark embraced her as well and then both looked at her in question. She opened her mouth to speak when the doors to the ER burst open, "We have a women, mid-40's involved in a head on collision. Her vital signs are thready and there is possible brain damage."

Julia nodded towards the room and said, "I wanted to surprise you but I was the one that ended up being surprised. They called me after I landed and said that Nancy had been in a head-on collision that's her right now."

Derek turned to his mother in shock and said, "Mom, that's Nancy?"

Julia nodded and said, "Yes it is, when I got the call on my cell phone, I told them to bring her here. Derek, you have to save her."

Mark looked as Derek turned to his mother and said, "Mom, I'm too close to this case. If something happened to Nancy…I could never forgive myself. Mom, I'll find someone else but I can't do it…I can't."

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Addison came running into the ER and found Julia being comforted by Mark. She walked up to Julia and pulled her into her arms and exhaled with a sobbing breath, "How is she? How's Nancy?"

Julia started to cry softly against Addison's chest and said "We don't know. Derek's disappeared and the doctor on-call doesn't feel equipped to make a proper diagnosis without him."

Addison pulled back and looked at Julia in shock, "What do you mean you can't find Derek? He's looking at her X-Rays or something right?"

Mark cleared his throat, hesitant to interrupt the family moment, "He needs you Addison. He doesn't think he can handle this case, he's worried he's too close and he could end up making a mistake."

Addison nodded and said, "Julia, stay here with Mark, I'm going to find Derek and bring him here, there's no one more equipped to handle this case than your son."

Addison walked off as Mark pulled Julia back into his arms and said, "Don't worry Addison will find Derek and bring him back."

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

"Derek, I mean Dr. Shepherd?" Derek looked up into the eyes of Meredith Grey. In the past couple of years they hadn't encountered each other too much. They had made a point of staying out of each other's way which was fine for him considering he needed all of his energy on saving his marriage and building his family with Addison and truthfully Meredith hadn't crossed his mind much in the past years.

Meredith hated when she was wrong and lately she realized how wrong she had been in letting Derek Shepherd go. As she watched him interact with his wife and children she felt jealous and cheated. She had a chance to make things right with him but instead she had taken the easy way out and thought they should end things. She didn't want to face some of the truths that Derek brought home to her; she at times was selfish and self-centered. She needed to let it go though, because as far as she could see the Shepherds' marriage had never been happier. They were prospering and at times the jealousy threatened to choke her in anger.

She sat down next to him and said, "Derek you need to go out there and help your sister and your mother. You can't sit in here while your sister dies."

Derek exhaled sharply and rolled his eyes, "I don't mean to be rude Meredith but what do you know about this? I love my sister dearly which is why I'm not prepared to put her life at risk just so that I can make sure my mother feels comfortable. I will consult on this case to the best of my ability but to operate on my sister…."

Meredith walked closer to him and her hand hovered over his shoulder as she internally debated whether or not she wanted to take this step. Coming to an internal decision she started to put her hand down on his shoulder when the door to the locker room flung open and Addison Shepherd entered.

Even when she was running on zero hours of sleep and coming in a jogging suit she still looked more together than any other woman she had met and she would always be jealous of her ability to appear nonchalant in her beautyand grace at all times.

Addison eyed her questioningly but turned to Derek who hadn't noticed her presence. She cleared her throat and Derek looked up and felt the tears come down his cheeks as he brushed past Meredith and dragged Addison into his arms, lifting her off the ground and into his embrace. Addison pulled back and sat down with Derek in her arms. She cradled his head in her chest and started stroking his hair.

Meredith immediately felt like an outsider in the intimacy of the two of them which seemed so real and genuinely affectionate that she felt no other option other than leaving before she embarrassed herself anymore. She excused herself from the room and shut the door behind her.

Addison stroked his face as when she used to when Kayla or Cameron had nightmares. She kissed his face softly and said, "Derek, you want to tell me what's going on? Why the disappearing act when you're needed the most? Sweetheart what's wrong are you too frightened?"  
Derek sat up as he dried his tears and smirked, "Aww Satan…you know me so well. I'm scared to death. Nancy's life hangs in the balance. When I left Mom, the first thing I did was get on the phone to see who could assist and there's no one, if after I look at the X-Rays, I'll have to operate. I don't think I can do it Addi."

Addison pulled him back in her arms, "You are the best damn neurosurgeon there is. There's nothing you can't do, and I'll be with you every step of the way."

Derek held out his hand and she embraced it as she laid her head on his shoulder, "Come on, let's go save our sister."

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Derek Shepherd was now in work mode working on zero hours of sleep and the patient that he was about to operate on was the most important of his career, his sister. After reviewing the X-rays and determining there was swelling of the brain and that he needed to go in and alleviate the pressure he knew that surgery was coming and that he would be responsible for insuring it was handled correctly.

He exhaled as he scrubbed in and reached for the back to close his mask when Addison came up behind him and tied the strings and kissed him on the shoulder, "Go save our children's favorite aunt."

Derek turned around and nodded, "Are you coming in there?"

Addison looked down and said "In case you don't remember, my specialty is neonatal, but I'll be happy to watch you from the gallery for moral support."

Derek shook his head and pulled down his mask not thinking of the fact that he would have to scrub in all over again, "I need you in there with me Addi, please."

Addison opened her mouth to protest but Derek fixed her with his patent face and said "Please, I don't think I can do this without you. This is too important to me, and you are my balance. If I see you in the room, it will keep me on track, please."

Addison nodded and said, "Of course Derek, I'll go scrub in now, just let me tell Miranda to go sit with Mom and I'll be in." She started walking towards the door when Derek called her name.

She turned around as she watched him go to the sink to start washing up again and said, "Addison, thank you. I can't do this without you, you are my purpose and hope and it sounds so flat to just say I love you but I love you."

Addison smiled and said, "I love you too Derek, and don't worry everything's going to be okay. I'll be with you every step of the way."

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Next Morning

It had been a long night with Derek and Addison in surgery for almost five hours straight. There had been no complications and Addison had kept a close eye on Derek for any signs that it was going to be too much but apparently after he locked eyes with her in the ER he had slipped into another mode and gone to work. Derek and Addison had both brushed kisses on Nancy forehead before slipping into the operating room to save her life.

Derek exhaled sharply as he left the operating room to where Miranda and Mark were sitting with his mother. Julia looked up as he came out of the room and said "How did it go? Is Nancy going to be okay?"

Addison came up behind him with a smile and said, "Your brilliant son was able to stop the swelling and with the exception of her other injuries she should make a full recovery."

Derek turned to his wife in mock-frustration, "You didn't let me tell everyone the good news."

Julia walked up and embraced Derek and pulled Addison into hugs as tears were streaming down her cheeks. She pulled back and said, "So can I see her? Where is she?"

Derek kissed his mother softly on the forehead, "She's still in ICU and soon as we get her stabilized you can see her."

Julia nodded content with his answer as pagers started going off. Everyone started groaning and Addison checked her pager and looked up at everyone apologetically, "That's me you guys."

She kissed Julia on the cheek and squeezed Derek's shoulder and started to go off when he fell into step with her and said, "Addi, you're running on E even more than I am…Why don't you let Stevens handle this one?"

Addison stopped in the middle of the hall, "Just because I haven't slept doesn't mean that I'm not competent to do my job."

Derek flinched back at the anger in her voice and said, "Addison, I would never, never suggest that you weren't capable of handling your job…I was just saying that you are running on no energy and you need some downtime."

Addison leaned against the wall as the stress of the last hours caught up with her and she choked back a sob and flung herself into his arms, "I'm sorry Derek, I didn't mean to snap…I know you mean well, it just feels like everything is catching up with me and I'm not sure where my mind is. I need to not feel useless for a moment."

Derek cradled her in his arms and said, "Hey, why don't I take you home for awhile and we can eat breakfast with our children as we wait for news on Nancy. We're not doing anyone any good staying here running on empty."

Addison nodded in agreement and said, "Just let me make sure that Izzie can handle this patient and then we can go." She started off when she stopped in the hall and turned back to look at Derek who had been watching her walk away.

She smiled softly and said, "Hey thanks…Thanks for knowing what I needed when I needed it and giving it to me."

Derek smiled and said, "Of course."

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

"Where's my mom?" Callie exhaled deeply as she looked into Cameron's eyes. She knew that he wasn't one for change but with doctors for parents you would think that he would have adapted by now but apparently she was wrong.

Cameron loved his Aunt Callie and he was happy she came to visit but he wanted to be with his Mom and Dad. He didn't have to wait long as his Mom and Dad came into the door tired but together.

Cameron smiled and walked over to his Mom and wrapped his arms around her waist. Addison smiled and bent down and pulled him into her arms while Derek went over and thanked Callie.

Callie smiled at him and said, "How is she?"

Derek shrugged and said, "The surgery was a success so from our end, everything looks good." Callie smiled and after kissing everyone goodbye made her exit.

Kayla came running down the stairs at that moment and into her mother who opened her arms for both of her children. Derek sat down at the table and watched as his wife who was working on zero energy spoke to the children about how their night was and what plans they had for the day. After they went back and forth trying to hold her attention she turned away and started making breakfast.

Derek had almost gone into a trance as he watched the efficient movements of his wife and then realized that she was exhausted. He stood up and picked his daughter and son up one under each arm and turned to his wife, "What do you say we eat breakfast out?"

Addison met his gaze with a relieved one of her own and she leaned in and brushed her lips against his. Cameron rolled his eyes and struggled to get out of his arms. Derek who was currently entranced by his wife's mouth had no problem putting both his children down and pulling his wife deeper into the span of his arms as she opened her mouth up under his.

Cameron reached for his sister's hand and said, "Come on, let's get ready."

Kayla took her brother's hand happily and said, "Daddy's kissing a girl!"

Cameron rolled his eyes in exasperation. Not his sister too…"Come on Kayla, I have a lot to teach you. Dad's not kissing a girl….he's kissing Mom which isn't the same…Girls are gross."

Kayla looked up at her brother with worship in her eyes which was momentarily clouded by confusion, "But Cammie, I girl right?"

Cameron shook his head disappointed, "I have to tell you something…Come on."

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& **

Epilogue (2 Months Later)

The return to normalcy didn't take long as Nancy recovered completely from her wounds and was so grateful to Derek and Addison she had offered to take the kids for the weekend. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, they would get some along time and peace and quiet. However, it hadn't ended up like that; Addison had been in a mood ever since Nancy sent her pictures of Cameron and Kayla at the park….

_Flashback (Hours Earlier) _

_"No Derek, I don't want my impressionable son with that, that hussy!"_

_Derek crossed his arms and said, "Now, you know you can't talk about her like that honey..."_

_Addison glared back at him, "Oh can't I? Do you see these pictures? She has her arm around my son, my four year old son who unfortunately inherited your looks."_

_Derek gasped in shock, "What's wrong with my looks?"_

_Addison tapped her foot, "With your McDreamy smile and McDreamy eyes, you can have any women you want and you did….but I'm talking about my four year old son who shouldn't be objected to such type of things and not from this hussy just because he inherited your good genes!"_

_Derek took the picture from his wife's hand that she had practically ripped in two and looked at the horrible evidence that his wife was fretting over, " Addison, she's 6 years old…"_

_Addison glared and said, "And that makes it better? She likes younger men, my baby is too young to have to learn a defensive stance…We have to go and get our children Derek. We have to get them before they become corrupted by hussies like this one…I'm so glad we decided to live in Seattle, if this is how fast the girls in Manhattan are we are never going there unless we are on vacation and with one of us chaperoning at all times!"_

_Derek had tried to see her point of view but he couldn't see the harm in the picture. Nancy had emailed photos to their email addresses at the hospital of how much fun she was having with her niece and nephew and especially at the park where they had met some new friends. Nancy had also said in her email that they lived close to her and they were planning on getting together again to hang out. _

_Derek pulled her in his arms and rested his head on her shoulder and said, "You want to tell me what this is really about? You don't care about girls bothering Cameron besides you know that Cameron thinks girls are gross. Why don't you tell me what's really wrong?"_

_Addison sighed and sat down and said, "This is the first time we've had alone in along time and I missing my babies. I'm used to being separated from them while I'm at work but not by states." _

_Derek nodded as he sat down in front of her and said, "I know I do miss them, it's kind of quiet in the house without them….What do you say I try to take your mind off of things?"_

_Addison looked at him and said, "How do you plan to do that?"_

_End of Flashback_

That was how he ended up in their penthouse trying to figure out how he was going to get his stressed out wife to relax. She had left him with a lot of time to ponder as she got called to the hospital for an emergency. He was startled out of his pondering plans by the sound of the phone,

"Hello?"

"Derek, how are you?"

Derek felt a smile come to his face at the thought of his mother. After the crisis of the surgery she had pulled him aside to congratulate him and not for what he thought…..

_Flashback (2 Weeks post Nancy's Surgery) _

_"Derek, I just want to say thank you."_

_Derek pulled his mother into a hug and kissed her on the top of the head, "Mom, she's my sister too…Of course I would do everything in my power to save her."_

_Julia shook her head and said, "I'm not thanking you for that, I knew you would do right by your sister. You had no other choice; no I'm talking about thanking you for doing right by my daughter and grandchildren. I know I'm your mother and it should be me thanking Addison but I have a feeling that Addison was the one fighting for this marriage from the beginning and you allowed yourself to grow complacent…I want to thank you because now I see the love that shines in your eyes every time she walks into a room or when she smiles at you. I want to thank you because I know that for the first time you realize what Addison signifies in your life…"_

_Derek felt tears come to his eyes at the compassionate tone in his mother's voice, "Mom, I had it all and I almost let it slip through my fingers….It scares me sometimes because it wasn't until I was faced with life without her did I realize how vital she is to my existence? It sounds cheesy but she's my everything." _

_Julia smiled as she wiped away the tears that had fallen down from her cheeks and said, "It doesn't sound cheesy, it sounds like your head is finally on straight for the first time in a long time. I'm proud of you, for saving your sister's life and your marriage."_

_End of Flashback _

"Mom, to what do I owe the pleasure? I thought you would be on the patrol to ensure Nancy took it easy while watching our two…"

Julia laughed on the other end, "I was and I know that I'm probably interrupting something intimate but I wanted to see how you two were doing and if Addison was okay without her children."

Derek exhaled in shock, "Mom, you always have a way of knowing what's going on don't you? Yea, Addison is kinda down because she misses the kids but she had to check on a patient at the hospital and I promised her when I came back I would have a way for her to calm down and to this minute, I still have no clue."

Julia smiled in remembrance, "Whenever I was having a long day, your father always ran a warm bath for me and made sure all of you stayed out of the way so I could have some quiet time. That really doesn't help much but….."

Derek cut her off and said, "Mom you're a genius and it does help…Thanks!" After saying goodbye to his mother he quickly put his plan into action.

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Addison shuffled her bags on her shoulders as she walked into the darkened living room.

"Derek?"

She had been calling her husband on the phone every fifteen minutes since she was free to leave the hospital however the line kept ringing busy. She assumed he must've taken a nap and knocked the phone off the hook but when she entered the darkened house she had to admit that she was a little disconcerted.

"Derek?" As the lights flickered on in the house she gasped in surprise. Because in the middle of the living room stood her husband in a tuxedo with a rose in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other.

She smiled and crossed the room as she surveyed their living room which had been turned into a tropical paradise with rose petals on the floor. "What did you do?"

Derek held out the rose and brushed it over her face before handing it to her and said, "I was trying to think of away to show you how much you mean to me and I was running out of ideas, not for lack of want but for lack of talent…I'm not the most romantic guy in the world but I know that I don't always appreciate you like I should so I wanted to give you our own taste of paradise."

Addison felt the tears come to her eyes as she took him by the hand and led him to their sofa. She leaned against his chest after he put the champagne glass back on the table and said, "Do you know the moment I realized that I had never felt more appreciated?"

Derek shook his head as she snuggled into him closer and said, "No when?"

Addison smiled and said, "When we were at the hospital before Nancy had her surgery and I walked into the locker room and Meredith Grey turned to me with this guilty look on her face like she had been about to do something that could've hurt us….but you….," she choked up and stopped to catch her breath and started again, "you didn't even acknowledge her presence. I was the only person in the room to you and that was the safest and most secure I felt in ages…I was number one in your life and your heart and you didn't have any problem showing it to anyone and least of all Meredith."

Derek kissed her on top of the head and said, "So then I put all this work and for what? Nothing?"

Addison giggled and sat up as she looked behind her and towards the stairs, "Why are there rose petals on our stairs? Do you know how long this is going to take to clean up?"

Derek pouted, "I setup our bathroom into a virtual paradise and the water is warm and I put those bath oils in the water like you like so you can relax…"

Addison cut him off with a kiss on the lips, "Well, why don't we try out our virtual paradise?"

Derek stood up and pulled Addison to his feet who pulled her into his arms and said, "Are you sure that you don't want to enjoy your paradise alone?"

Addison leaned in and said, "Anywhere I'm with you is paradise..."

Derek rolled his eyes and they raced for the stairs, "You are so cheesy."

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

"You do realize we are too old to be doing this right?"

Derek laughed and said, "What are you talking about Addison?"

Addison leaned back against his chest, "We have two children and we are in our middle ages and we almost slipped getting into the tub. Can you imagine the 911 call we would've had to make to our hospital had we actually caused serious injury to ourselves?" Derek snickered at the thought and Addison felt the rumble in the water.

Derek closed his eyes in bliss as his wife who was cradled against his chest; her red hair piled on top of her head and a champagne flute in her hand while the other stroked his thigh under the water. As she leaned against him, they conversed about work the children and the happiness of just being together.

Addison cleared her throat after sipping from her glass and said, "Derek?"

Derek opened his eyes lazily and stared down at the love of his life and said, "Yes, sweetheart?"

Addison pulled his hands into hers and said, "We have the house to ourselves…. We have quiet and food so whaddya say? Want to make a baby or at least have fun trying?"

Derek leaned forward and kissed her thoroughly as he helped her out of the tub, "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

Fin (Whew!) And I do mean the end this time or maybe not? 


End file.
